Quiet Night, Yeah Right!
by DoitsuDeutschland
Summary: Alfred and Ivan need to find a Christmas gift for Ludwig but neither can find something so they take the advice of Gilbert and Arthur. Is sex the best kind of gift to give to Ludwig? Well, duh! RusUSGer belated X-mas fic


No matter what I do, I can't seem to be able to draw the image I wanted to for Christmas for all of you guys and gals out there, so I ended up giving up and wrote this.

Summery: Alfred and Ivan need to find a Christmas gift for Ludwig but neither can find something so they take the advice of Gilbert and Arthur. Is sex the best kind of gift to give to Ludwig? Well, duh!

Warning: cussing, sex, dirty talk, toys, boot-and-glove kink (ladies and gents, if you remember someone posting a request for that kink on the kink meme, yeah, that was me who posted it XD) also, I haven't written a threesome in forever so... I'm sorry if it sucks.

Pairing: RusUSGer (in that order), PrUk

I own nothing but the plot, if I owned Hetalia do you think I'd be a jobless college student who does fanart and fanfics for it? Plus there would be a lot more sexy time in the show and better looking Nyotalia characters. Also I wouldn't cry whenever Belarus made her rape face and mentioned marriage.

I decided that the three would be staying in America for the holidays (mostly because I'm too lazy to write anywhere else for them) so yeah, enjoy.

By the way, you can consider this as part of the 'He's Mine Bro!' universe, taking place after the end of the story (which hasn't even been written yet XD) or you can just take this as a normal story. Also, Feliciano is dating HRE, or Klaus as I call him. If I don't pair him with Germany, then he's usually with a reincarnated HRE. (I know, my mind works weird)

Also, totally pimping my new group here, but on DA can you guys join the RusUSGer-FC? You can post Cold War, GerMerica, RusGer, and RusUSGer works in this group. It would be awesome to see other people's work in there other then my own.

On with the fic!

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><p>Quiet Night, Yeah Right!<p>

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><p>"I don't even celebrate Christmas like you and some of the others do, why do I have to go shopping with you?" Ivan frowned as he followed Alfred around the shopping mall. They had been shopping for three hours and he was tired. "You got everyone a gift already, can we leave?"<p>

"No commie, we can't. I haven't found Ludwig's gift yet!" Alfred groaned. "He is impossible to shop for!"

Ivan blinked. "Oh dear, I do not have a gift for Ludwig as well. I wonder if he likes vodka."

"We got him liquor for his birthday already, best not to repeat a gift." Alfred sighed as he looked around the store they were in. "I can't figure out what to get him... shit!" He turned to look directly at Ivan. "Rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock you for who finds the gift."

"Huh?" The Russian blinked until he got what Alfred meant and let out a groan of annoyance. "Not that silly Big Bang show thing again! I told you before, I do not know how to do that damn hand thing you nerds do. And no, I will not be the one to find the gift, I have a hard enough time already."

Alfred pouted. "Come on! We share the same boyfriend! It means that we have to give him the same gift!"

A loud laugh was heard and the two turned to see Gilbert walked over, Arthur in tow. "S'up boys! Wasn't expecting to find you guys here!"

"We're Christmas shopping, what are you doing here?" Alfred asked.

Arthur sighed and let go of Gilbert's hand. "This idiot here wanted to come see the mall. He wanted to find some gift for his blasted bird before we leave for our trip to the Bahamas since albino-butt here wants to be warm this Christmas. "

"Gilbird is a picky little guy when it comes to getting him gifts." Gilbert said in his diffence. "Besides, I found a cute little hat for him! For free!" He held up a little stripped hat with a smile and Arthur rolled his eyes.

"He took it off a stuff animal. So, you guys are Christmas shopping? Ivan, you don't even celebrate it."

Ivan smiled a bit. "Da, but I like to join in what my lover and the moron," he pointed at a glaring Alfred, "are doing. But right now we are having issues with finding a good gift for Ludwig."

Alfred nodded. "Yeah, Lud is a pain in the ass to shop for!"

Gilbert chuckled. "Really? Just do what I do, find something to peaks his interests. I suggest, since you two are in a love triangle with my little bro that you guys..." He paused for dramatic effect. "Have dirty-as-all-hell S&M sex with him."

Ivan and Alfred's eyes widened and Arthur face palmed. "Wanker!" He slapped the albino on the back of the head. "You just said that out loud!"

The other man pouted, rubbing where he got hit. "Oww, I was just giving them a suggestion. West loves kinky stuff so I'm sure they- where the hell did they go?" Arthur and Gilbert noticed that the other two were gone.

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><p>Ludwig entered the apartment, glancing around. Ivan and Alfred were no where to be seen and yet he knew they were home. How did he know they were home? The television was left on, their shoes were just kicked by the door rather then placed neatly by it, and their jackets were just tossed on the side of the couch.<p>

For the past two days, the two men had been all over the place, not letting Ludwig in on much of what they were up to. Then again, it was the holidays so it was understandable that they were busy and they could be getting him a gift.

The German smiled slightly to himself as he opened the bag he had brought in with him. Feliciano, Klaus, Kiku, and himself had went out together to get last minute gifts and Ludwig was able to find something for his lovers. For Alfred he got him the newest game that he kept talking about and for Ivan it was an original Russian translation of his favorite book (since the copy Ivan original owned was used as a shield against Natalia by the Russian man).

"I hope they like these." It was a pain to go shopping on Christmas Eve, lukcily Ludwig was a smart and had the gifts on reserve so he could just pick them up today. "Ivan! Alfred, I'm back!" He called out, but he didn't hear anything. The only thing he heard was his three dogs' tags clicking together as they turned to look at the one who woke them up.

This was weird, did they step out? No, Alfred wouldn't go out without his jackets on since he hated the cold and Ivan would give him a call if they went anywhere. Going to his room, Ludwig opened the door and paused, eyes wide.

There, on his bed, were Ivan and Alfred, wearing nothing but boots and gloves, though Ivan still had his scarf on and Alfred was wearing his glasses. "Welcome home Ludwig." They both said in union.

"W-what is this..?" Ludwig blushed deeply, confused as all hell as to what was going on.

Alfred smirked a bit. "Why, it's your Christmas gift! We decided to give it to you early this year, hope that's cool."

"M-my Christmas gift..? You're wearing nothing but boots and gloves!"

Ivan smiled brightly. "Ah~ but you like this, da? Plus, we got you a new toy." The Russian held up a rather long looking double-headed dildo, a rather thick one at that.

"And new vibrators!" Alfred grinned holding up two new little bullet vibrators. "Plus they have seven speeds!"

Ludwig was speechless, he had no idea what to do about all of this. He watched as Ivan and Alfred got up, walking over to him and taking the bag from his hands, placing it down without looking it in. "Hmm, Ivan, I think our friend here is a bit over dressed, should we fix that?"

"Da~!" Ivan smirked and removed Ludwig's jacket, tossing it aside. Alfred got down on his knees to work the belt and pants, leaving Ivan with the button up shirt to deal with. Not that it bothered Ivan and Alfred, since Alfred loved being near to German's belt line and Ivan loved to play with Ludwig's chest.

The blond German blushed deeply, feeling the leather covered fingers touch his slowly exposed skin. He let out a gasp when the smooth, cold fingers of Ivan's hand touched his chest, right at the nipple. "N-nein Ivan..."

"You like it, and you know it." Alfred smirked once he pulled Ludwig'd pants down, revealing the slowly growing bulge in front of him. "See, your cock thinks so." He touched it through Ludwig's boxers and a shiver ran up the man's spine.

"You're an ass..."

"And I like yours!" Alfred gave Ludwig's ass a grab. The taller man let out a yelp and Ivan had to giggle at the deep blush on his face. The giggles died down as Ivan leaned in a bit, connecting his lips with the blushing German's, enjoying how Ludwig opened his mouth a little. Oh Ludwig, you know exactly what to do, Ivan thought as he slipped his tongue in, tasting around the warm, wet mouth.

Alfred looked up at them, it didn't bother him to see Ivan kiss Ludwig as much as it use to, especially since he got to play down south. He kissed the man's exposed stomach, trailing down to the elastic band of Ludwig's boxers. Pulling them down slowly, Alfred watched as skin lead to light blond curls to an awakening erection. He couldn't help himself, the American touched it lightly with his gloved hands before placing the head into his mouth.

Ludwig jolted but turned into a moaning mess as Ivan continued to French him, tweaking one of his nipples as he tongued him, all the while Alfred was sucking and licking at the head of his cock.

Pulling away, Ludwig took a moment to breath. "Bed... now..."

"Oh, someone wants more~!" Ivan smiled, pushing Alfred's head away and dragged Ludwig to the bed, dropping the man to the bed. "Alfred, get the hand cuffs."

"Get the... what?" Ludwig glanced at Ivan who just smiled, removing every bit of clothing that remained on the man. Alfred walked over, holding the metal cuffs.

Alfred smiled as well, taking the German's wrist and cuffing them together after he got them secured to the bed. "Ready for this?" He asked, looking at both of his lovers. Ivan nodded and Ludwig just looked at them, confused at to what they had set up.

Ivan placed all the toys he wanted to use that night on the bed and picked up a tie, wrapping it around the blond's head to block out his vision. "I heard that without your vision your other senses become stronger, hopefully it will work with touch~." Ivan giggled. He motioned for Alfred to sit on Ludwig's chest, making sure not to hurt him.

They had this planned, they were going to be quiet and let Ludwig enjoy not knowing who was doing what. There was another reason for the gloves, Ludwig recognized their hands perfectly so this was to hide them, that, and Ivan had a kink for gloved and boots and wanted to try it out on them.

"What are you doing?" Ludwig asked, confused until he felt something tap against his chin. Alfred smirked as he looked down at his lover, he has his erection in hand and by the other's face. Ivan was looking over Alfred's shoulder, wanting to watch the show as his hands unconciously started to lubricate one of the vibrators.

Alfred said not a word as he placed the head by Ludwig's lips. It took only a moment for Ludwig to register what was by his mouth and he parted his lips, taking the head in to suck on it. Alfred had to supress the urge to moan as he felt that warm mouth of Ludwig's, he shivered in delight as he felt the tongue around the slit.

The Russian watched with a hungry look in his eyes, part of him wished that he was in Alfred's position. But alas, he had a job to do, not that he didn't mind because he was going to love doing this! Taking the lubed up bullet of the vibrator in hand, he slipped it right into Ludwig, watching him jolt.

Ludwig pulled his mouth away for a moment. "What was that?" He couldn't tell what the heck it was that just went in but he suddenly gasped and hitched his breath. There was a sound filling the room, a muffled sound that was similar to a phone on vibrate. Ivan had activated the toy with a happy smile on his face.

The German groaned, feeling the twitching against his walls, but the groans and moans were soon muffled when he started to suck Alfred off once more. Alfred smirked, still trying to keep his own pleasure sounds hidden, but he blinked when Ivan handed him the other vibrator.

He looked at it for a moment and noticed that the Russian was pointing at Ludwig's chest. Alfred grinned and gave a thumbs up before turning the toy on and placed the little bullet against one of the exposed nubs on Ludwig's chest, watching Ludwig react to the feeling.

"Oh Gott... oh Gott..!" He moaned loudly, his toes curled as Alfred switched off between one nipple and the other. It felt so good, even when it was being dragged down his chest though it was taken away.

There was a slight moment of silence, minus the buzzing sounds, before he felt the vibrator against the tip of his cock, touching the slit. "Nein! Not there..!" He cried, though it felt so good.

Alfred and Ivan were pleased with the results, watching Ludwig struggle in his restraints at the tingling feels from the toys. The America made a motion, indicating something to the other who nodded and moved the toy down from the head to the shaft and to the base. Ludwig moaned softly, begging for more. Ivan almost let out a chuckle before he moved the bullet down towards it's twin, slipping it in.

"AH!" The German cried out, the toys were inside him at one time and Ivan decided to put them on their strongest speeds. The other two smirked at one another, why was it when they were pleasuring Ludwig they worked together so well? The blond under Alfred was a twitching mess, begging for more as he felt leather covered fingers touch his hot, sensitive skin.

Ivan smiled as he watched Alfred touch Ludwig, might as well have a little fun as well. The Russian had been wanting to do something like this for a while, he removed the toys, hearing Ludwig's breath hitch as they were slowly (soooo slowly) pulled out of him. With them out, Ivan shoved one of his fingers in, working the entrance with his gloved finger before inserting another to widen him a bit more.

"Ah...! S-stop teasing me...!" Ludwig moaned loudly, twisting a bit in his restraints, he was so confused on who was doing what but it all felt so good and ah! Someone was nipping on his neck! Oh God, they were biting and sucking right where it would be a total pain in the ass to try and cover up later... he was gonna end up with one hell of a hickey tomorrow, though if the night continued on, he was going to have many more.

The oldest of the three continued to prepare the youngest one, having three fingers inside now. He paused and removed his hand, seeing his fingers were wet. Violet-eyes glanced down at the large dildo and back at the other two, earning a large and lustful grin to appear on Ivan's face.

Alfred, who had been sucking on Ludwig's lovely neck, was suddenly lifted up and he looked at Ivan who smiled at him. He mouthed 'what the hell are you doing?' at the other, Ivan just continued to smile. He placed Alfred down on the bed in front of Ludwig's spread legs and took his lubed up fingers, shoving one inside of Alfred without his permission. Alfred bit his tongue to hold back a sound, he glared at Ivan who only smirked and held up the double ended dildo.

Blue-eyes widned and a huge blush appeared on the blond's face, he mouthed 'asshole' at the other who only ignored him to pump Ludwig's hard-on. Ludwig had no idea what was going on, though in his lust-filled mind he had wondered why the weight on his chest was gone, only to be destracted by the actions on his vitals.

Ivan just continued his work, preparing the two men before removing his hands. He looked at the wetness on his gloves before picking up the dildo ones more and slicked it up with the left over lube and pre-cum mix on his hands. Alfred watched him do this, preparing himself for what was going to come next, too bad Ludwig had no idea what was about to happen.

The Russian slipped the toy into Alfred first, who grabbed a pillow from the bed to cover his moan. The other end of the toy was placed into Ludwig who was able to moan loudly, especially when Ivan gripped the middle to move it back and forth between the two men.

This was such an interesting sight to the tallest of the three, and such an enjoyable one at that. He used his free hand to pump Ludwig while he leaned down to take Alfred into his mouth, sucking on him just as Ludwig had done not too long ago.

It became too much, Alfred was groaning almost as loudly as his blond lover, though his face was still buried in the pillow and... holy shit! Ivan was making purring sounds, his tongue was vibrating against the head! That bastard plays dirty!

Ah, as much as this was so fucking awesome, it had to end. Ludwig let out a yell, something in German that that other two didn't catch, before releasing onto his stomach and Ivan's hand. Alfred was the next, though this time it was into Ivan's mouth. And then Ivan finished, thanks to the other two.

The three men were a panting mess, Ivan reached over and undid the handcuffs, letting Ludwig go. The blond sat up a bit and removed the blindfold, looking at the other two and what was between him and Alfred. "Oh Gott..." He sighed before giving them a tired smile. Well, this was certainly different from the norm, but it was great. "Alright, my turn." He smirked, deciding that since his Christmas gift was sex, he might as well get to top.

Ivan and Alfred's eyes widened a bit, not sure if they should be aroused or scared.

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><p>"Seven rounds of sex, seven fuckin' rounds!" Alfred spoke as he rubbed his backside a bit, still a little sore from last night as he sat in the living room with the others, sitting in a sea of wrapping paper and ribbons.<p>

Ivan giggled from where he sat, sipping his coffee as he watched the other two open their gifts, he had to wait for his but that was fine with him. "I rather enjoyed it, even though I'm not too much of a fan of being on the recieving end. I didn't even know you could do that kinda of thing Ludwig."

The German blushed deeply. "Well, I've done some research..." He decided to just work on opening the gift he got from his brother, though it smelt kind of funny. Almost like leather...

"Holy shit!" Alfred laughed as he opened a small bag from Francis. "He got me hamburger lube! That is so awesome and so gross!"

"Disgusting." Ivan made a face. "Don't you dare use that on my dear Ludwig."

"He's both of ours commie." Alfre glared until he noticed that Ludwig was blushing deeply as he looked at the box in his lap. "What's wrong?"

Ludwig pulled out a leather whip, collar and chain set, and what looked to be a few toys that were rather... large and complex looking... "He wrote that we might like these..."

The other two looked at each other before grinning, maybe Ludwig would let them play with his new 'toys'.

END

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><p>... Umm... yeah, this went in a much different direction then I wanted it to. And to be honest, the toys are ones I saw when I went into a sex shop, they were the only ones that I could really remember that didn't scare the shit out of me. (As much as I love reading and write yaoi, along with looking at it, sex toys scare me because they can look so... inhuman).<p>

Hamburger lube is real and according to my friend who told me about it, it's disgusting.

Also, do remember that Ivan celebrates Christmas on the 7th of January, but I'm sure he's nice enough to participate in Alfred and Ludwig's celebrations. Oh, and the reason why Gilbert and Arthur were going on vacation for the holidays is because they can.

Anyway, please review and if you want to think of this as part of the He's Mine Bro! universe, you can because we know that Ivan and Alfred both get Ludwig in the end. :\

(lol, totally posting this days after Christmas! I wanted to see how it would do on deviant art before I posted it here)


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